Vanderbilt highlights and other fine examples of oxymorons

Here are some examples of oxymorons:

• Military intelligence
• Jumbo shrimp
• Rolling stop
• Liquid gas

Oh, and Mississippi State Highlights.

As in video highlights from Vandy's mind-numbing 15-3 loss to the Bulldogs on Saturday.

It's 3 minutes and 46 seconds long. Here's a breakdown:

• 51 seconds: Various Vanderbilt tackles for loss
• 39 seconds: Opening and closing credits
• 31 seconds: Warren Norman returning kickoffs
• 26 seconds: Two actual pass completions
• 21 seconds: Sean Richardson's tackle and strip that gave us 1st and goal at the 5 yard line
• 18 seconds: The game's one touchdown
• 13 seconds: Upson punting
• 12 seconds: Vandy "capitalizing" on the turnover with a field goal
• 9 seconds: The team running out on the field with lots of smoke
• 6 seconds: An incomplete pass by one of the Bulldog QBs

So 26 of the 426 seconds are dedicated to offensive plays. Sounds about right.

Halftime in Nashville: Welcome to our nightmare

Last season, we went to Starkville and gained just seven first downs and a pitiful 107 yards of total offense, including 62 yards passing and 45 rushing.

Those numbers seem absolutely prolific compared to tonight's halftime stats.

Get this: We've got 29 yards of total offense and a single first down. I'm not kidding. That includes two yards rushing and 29 yards passing.

No kidding. Two yards rushing on 13 carries:

• Zac Stacy: five carries, 7 yards

• Kennard Reeves: three carries, 2 yards

• Warren Norman: two carries, 1 yard

• Larry Smith: three carries, minus 8 yards

Meanwhile, our defense looks good, but has still surrendered 166 total yards, including 111 yards on the ground and 55 yards in the air, plus 11 first downs.

Extremely disappointing, wouldn't you say?

We're only down 6-3 but it doesn't bode well for us.

We can't win without an offense

OK, so the defense is playing great. Joel Caldwell's filling in nicely for Ryan Hamilton. Everybody's flying to the ball. Still, the Bulldog offense is moving the ball far better than we're moving the ball against their D. Their QB, Relf, is like a poor man's Tebow running the ball. And Dixon is a beast. Compared to the rest of the SEC, we're mighty small. Our D-line is small and our backers are small. Sure, we're good on defense but we're small.

Our offense is getting absolutely dominated. Larry's running for his life. This could be a very long game and it's already reminiscent of last year's.

Vandy D still hanging tough

Myron just delivered a hellacious hit on a State running back (not Anthony Dixon, who's dominating us). Marve looking good too.

Now we have the ball and Larry still throwing wild. Tied 3-3. The rain is gone. Come on, Larry.

Announcers just said, "What a difference a week makes for the Bulldog defense."

Yeah, Vandy's just what the doctor ordered.

Udom made his first catch of the season but three yards short on third down. Yet another three and out.

Not looking good.

We stink on offense

After a brilliant strip by Richardson that gave us first and goal, we run three straight times and are forced to kick a field goal. Pitiful. Say what you want about Chris Nickson — and we certainly have — but the guy was money in the red zone.

Larry's got to step up. Oh, and Mr. Cain must realize that we're not going to be able to run the ball against the Bulldogs until we establish the passing game. They're dominating our offensive line.

Looks like last year all in Starkville all over again.

Here we go again: Our offense looks horrible against Miss State

The Bulldogs are dominating our offense. Larry looks rattled. The offensive line is caving in. Vierling just lost his cool and swatted at a Bulldog after the whistle but fortunately nothing was called. We're 0-4 on third down. Ouch.

But Upson keeps booting them into a hole.

But Miss State has our number on defense. On offense, we're picking up where we left off last year. Reminder: We had 107 total yards of offense last season — 45 rushing and 62 passing.

Nevermind. Richardson just stripped the ball and Fugger recovered.

After a review, the play stands. Richardson is a stud. So is Casey Hayward.

Looks like it's going to be a slobberknocker

Remember last year's game in Starkville? Well, so far it looks like a similar battle of field position.

Leave it to the geniuses at Fox Sports South to come up with U2 as a nickname for Udom Umoh. Not bad guys.

We've wondered before why U2 doesn't have a catch this season, and then Larry misses him just now for a first down. But then Udom shakes it off and downs a Brett Upson punt at the 5-yard line.

Looks like the Bulldogs are gonna get on the back of Anthony Dixon and take a ride. So far we look up to task.

Bad news and good news for Vanderbilt

Bad news: We had only 210 yards last week against a team that gave up nearly 500 yards to winless Washington in Seattle.

Good news: Washington just beat No. 3 USC in Seattle.

Bad news: Miss State just took the opening kickoff to the house.

Good news: The Bulldogs were holding.

Go Dores!

Bad sign for the Commodores: They're favored to win

Quick! How many games was Vanderbilt favored to win last season?

Answer: Two.

I'm not kidding. The Commodores were actually underdogs to Rice and Miami-Ohio, but they were favored to beat Duke and Tennessee. We know how both those games came out.

Last season, Vandy was 5-0 and fans and players were confident they'd go down to Starkville and beat the Bulldogs, but the opening line was pick ’em. It was an ugly, disheartening game. I know because I was there and the cowbells are still ringing in my ears.

I don't know about you, but it always makes me nervous when Vandy is favored to win. Case in point: MTSU during Jay Cutler's final year.

Right now, Vegas has the Commodores anywhere between an 8.5- and 10-point favorite. That's bulletin board material for the Bulldogs, whose defense manhandled the Dores last year.

I think the game will be much closer than that. The Bulldogs still have big, fast, strong players. Maybe not as big, fast and strong as Auburn or LSU, but bigger, faster and stronger than the Commodores.

Hopefully we have the advantage because of our system, our coaches, our experience and the overall strength of our program. But we've still got to play well to win. As everybody knows by now, our receivers need to improve dramatically and we've got some depth issues in the secondary. As always, we've got to have the mentality of an underdog and play with a chip on our shoulder.

When we think we deserve to win, we rarely do. On Saturday, we must remember what happened last year in Starkville.